Sunday 1 January 2012

Inured to Procrastination


Today, I said goodbye to the last of my remaining close friends.Gradually, all of them have moved out of the city, in search of what lies aheadin their future. A friend, quite different from the others and quite differentfrom myself. A person I would never completely understand and on whom I wouldnever take out time to do so. We would quarrel on more issues and accord on afew. After spending most of our school life oblivious to each other, we would goon to share the most memorable moments of our college life. Yet, I could notunderstand this earlier. I could not see this post coming.

Probably, I did take cognizance of this some time ago, only forthe thought to be pushed into the deeper recesses of mind. The culprit: me,obviously. Who was coerced by procrastination and its gratuitous benefits. What’sbetter than not expending energy on something now, when you have the option ofdoing it later. And then you enter the viscous cycles of delay and postponement,which ultimately goes kaput and leading to resentment and guilt. Sometimes, weare embarrassed to even remember how simple the task was, for instance, a smallphone call, a short errand, or still a little ‘sorry’.

I knew that my friend was going away in some finite numberof weeks, yet, I presumed it to be something in the distant future. It’s notthat I don’t like her company or I was ignoring her, but, somehow it wouldnever fit in to my schedule. I would place more importance on spending time andenergy working on my goals (or the future) that I would neglect presentrelationships. The fact that I am never going to live again, these momentspassing by, sends shrills down my spine.

As, you can judge by now, that I keep myself on a tight leashof introspection. I like thinking about people, things, processes and events.This blog would be a perfect platform to share my thoughts with people,thinking about the same things, but who never thought about exploring themfurther, or if tried, ended in vain. I would love to hear other’s experiencesand allow them to share them with even more people. Why I didn’t think about itearlier? Well I did, in fact years ago. Why I didn’t start this earlier? Referto title.

So, today was big wake up call for me. I realised thatscheduling things is not always possible. One should at times follow theirinstincts and passion, to do what they feel is right and not what is judgedright. I somehow managed to delay and meet my friend minutes before she wasleaving. I was inundated with the guilt of not meeting her before, but I heldon only to be left disheartened as she left. I wish I could have told her howmuch she meant to me, even if we did not meet often. How much more we guyscould have enjoyed our time. With all this I drove back home.

Convinced that I have borne the price of procrastinatingthings, I thought of the other item being delayed in these incessant cycles:the blog. Well here I am, writing my first post, hoping to be more of what I’dlike to see myself as. Writing on random thoughts, something I always wanted todo. I guess destiny chose a pretty apt subject for my first post J.
Best to finish thispost in the words of actor James McAvoy from the end of the movie Wanted(2008):
“Thisis me taking control from …. This is me taking back control of my life. Whatthe fuck have you done lately?”

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